"21 Days to Graduation: Cloudy with a Chance of Rain"

(Sigh) Where do I begin?

So as you know I am exactly 3 weeks away from what they would call the BIG day. However life has had a funny way of making my BIG day, feel smaller than I had ever imagined. When I enrolled May of 2012, I had no idea that I would feel guilty for simply booking a plane ticket. I can post daily #PositiveVibes and sing my graduation praises all day, but that won't change my current situation effecting how I feel. Although I hope all of my Everyday Girl readers find motivation in my #PositiveVibes post, please know that I wake up to them as well. I crave positivity to feed my optimism, so that I can outpour it as confirmation that I am in fact still breathing. It's a process and a method I must keep. When I peel back the layers to the core of my reality, it is the fact that I'm not financially stable, which makes this grand accomplishment seem like an option instead of a priority. I'm simply not happy. I want to be, believe me I do. I want to think that I'm just overthinking or being a brat, but I can't trump what my body is telling me. The stress of my responsibilities are eating away at my daily functions. My physical and mental health is suffering greatly as I continue having seizures. All solely based on stress. I have a condition that has not been officially diagnosed that parallels seizures. Excessive emotions of anxiety, excitement and stress bring about extreme fatigue. This fatigue triggers something in my body to shut down. In this moment, I can't move, respond, but I am aware of everything that is going on. It's pretty scary and frustrating at times. For the past two years, I've been battling this and I hope one day it will be yet another thing from the past. I cant help, but question why now? Why bring me this far on the journey to make me feel like I have nothing to show for it? I sat at the computer for hours with my mom, looking up hotels Wednesday night. I went home feeling so overwhelmed with this feeling of guilt. How can I find joy in planning this trip to graduation if my bills back home aren't paid? I went to work the very next morning and had a seizure. I take on so much internally, not realizing what is at stake. Part of adapting to a transition is acknowledging and accepting that you are Ina different position. I'm not 21 years old at Hampton without a child. I'm 26 years old with a child, graduating from Full Sail. Which very well means that there will be other priorities to face, before and after graduation. The point is, I have to continue praying for the optimism to enjoy this moment. I have no idea how I will feel the day of graduation; it could be great. I hope that it will be great. Anything is possible. Anything is possible. #21Days&Counting